I've always struggled with how to keep my daily schedule and to do list. I remember this struggle beginning as far back as middle school, at least. I'm always trying to figure out how to best run my day and stay on top of things, all while pleasing everyone and not dropping any of the balls that I'm juggling.
It runs me ragged. The past year or two have been especially frustrating.
God uses books a lot to speak to me and lead me in change. One He put in my hands recently is First Things First by Stephen R. Covey. What I've learned so far while reading this book is that I focus so much on the relatively unimportant, seemingly urgent tasks. I now see that I've done this for years, both in my personal and professional life.
So I'm learning to focus more on the things that are actually important, like spending time with my husband Erich and getting to know him better, making time to write on this blog, and taking the time to invest in my essential oil business.
I'm still really frustrated, though. And the past two weeks or so I've been really in a bad place mentally because of my frustration with keeping everything going.
During all of this, the Lord has helped me to see how I am overly responsible. Sounds funny, right? Shouldn't we all strive to be responsible? I guess what God means is I major on the minor and focus on the relatively unimportant tasks; how so much of my time is spent on things like making sure I respond to an email or make sure all the bathrooms have toilet paper.
This word "responsibility" has been stuck in my head. Words are another way the Lord speaks to me (words and books). Just like He puts books in my hands when He wants me to learn something, He also puts words in my head. "Responsibility" is the latest word He's impressed on me.
This morning I was remembering how a few months ago the Lord put 2 Corinthians 3:17 in my head. It says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." That's another way the Lord speaks to me: by putting verses in my head. When this verse came to me, I remember specifically sensing that He was speaking to me about how I keep my schedule. This morning I was wondering what this verse, and the surrounding verses, had to do with my schedule.
The Lord quickly reminded me of the word "responsibility." He helped me to see that I've made being responsible into a law for myself. He showed me that He is Spirit, and where the Spirit is, there is freedom. I focus such much on my law of being responsible and making sure to keep everything going that I miss His Spirit and the freedom that comes along with the Spirit. The freedom to not respond to an email and to still be loved. The freedom to change my schedule around to fit in more important things. The freedom to disappoint people by not fulling all of their demands.
I'm not saying that I have given up my responsibilities or that being responsible is bad. However, what I have been doing for so long is focusing on doing everything, doing it right, and not letting any of the balls I'm juggling drop. I've focused on self effort instead of on grace. I've focused on what I think needs to be done instead of what the Spirit is doing.
So today, I've thrown caution to the wind and haven't gone by a specific schedule. I took a chance and decided to not try to be responsible. I haven't determined to do anything at any set time today. And you know what? I've been productive and have connected with the Lord and have gotten some work done with my business and have been responsible in a much better way -- in the flow of the Spirit.
(After I wrote this I read my post from January 2. Take a look at it. Seems God's been trying to get this message through to me for a while now. I'm sure He's been trying since way before January.)
